Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
