11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
