If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
