I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
