All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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