I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
they need to just BURY HIM!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize