My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
