Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize