he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
