We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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