it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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