I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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