Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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