if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
