she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
