ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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