maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
