we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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