Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
