3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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