you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
