So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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