sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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