no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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