so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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