whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
