I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
