i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
