I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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