Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
