For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
