I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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