The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
