Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
