The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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