I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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