Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize