batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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