Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
