dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
