You made me cry and you don't even care
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
