i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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