did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
