Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
