i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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