He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
