Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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