So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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