I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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