i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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