He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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