and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
