After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
