Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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