Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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