Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
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