Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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