my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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