What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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