Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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