I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you had me at cake vodka
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im part way to drunk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
