I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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