i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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