Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
