Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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