I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
